Yesterday was the worst day ever. Ok. Probably not really. But it was pretty bad. My husband said I wasn't updating this as I should, so I figured what the hell. I tell everyone everything anyway, why not?
For a while I've been knowing that I need to lose weight. Being the same weight as I was when I was 9 months pregnant with Gracie will do it. The clothes don't always fit as nicely.
Denial...
Ok so. No one wants to believe they are fat right? I mean. Ok. I had two kids! That's it! But then I see other moms that have had like five, and are thin and fit (that's for the next section...lol). Ok. It's got to be the IUD. Yea. So I read up on that on the Internet. That's it! The belly bulge; the extra weight! So like all people in denial do...I'll just take it out! It's definitely not the fast food that I eat almost every day. Or the candy bars the kids are selling around school. It's the PMS symptoms. Yes! That's it! I'm not out of shape. It's my knee. That's why it hurts when I run. We don't have money ti join a gym. It's too hot to exercise. I need rest. I'm stressed out. What will I do with the kids? This skinny moms have money. They belong to an expensive gym that has child care.
Anger...
Those bitches. How come they can be skinny? I guess I picked the wrong job. They get to stay home and just eat right and exercise! Super bitches! I guess they didn't have a child to support while they were in college. They didn't have to charge gas or groceries. I bet they got Road Home money. Or didn't lose all their shit in Katrina. Don't even get me started on that bitch. I bet they didn't have to go on bed rest for pregnancy where weight just goes to your ass. Maybe they don't have to commute across that stupid Huey. Freakin' construction! Why would they do this? I could be using this extra time to work out! How come when my IUD came out I didn't lose ten pounds? How come I just bled for like two months and GAINED weight? I knew I should have taken it out sooner! How come I had to take after my dad? I mean, I don't mind the type A, but the metabolism?! Why did my sister have to get my mom's body? And why couldn't I at least be taller? Why does my husband have to have so much self control? Why does he have to have the metabolism of the century? Why God?
Bargaining...
Please God. Let me thin. I'd rather be dumb. Give me acne (ok...I accept the acne but the trade off was that I would be thin...). Dear God...I'll watch what I eat from now on. Just help me get started! Please? This is more important than money. I'll never ask for money again. Well I'll try not to. Please?! Ok. I'll try this shake stuff. Works for dad. If you let this work, I promise I'll...wait! I'll stop drinking! Yes! That's it! God, if you let me be thin, I'll stop drinking.
Anger...
Ok God. I quit drinking. For two whole damn days. And I gained weight! This isn't fair! I might as well get fat! Nothing works!
Depression...
OMG! I'm going to be fat forever. The kids at school are going to keep calling me fatty. I'm going to have to shop in the plus sizes. What an awful day. Couldn't find anything to wear to work! Kids at school made fun of my outfit and my belly. Alex asked if I have a baby in my belly. Had trouble getting out of the student desk at school. OMG...how big do you think I will get? If I keep at this rate, five years from now I'll be over 200 pounds. Dr. Coleman says the foot injury is from high impact exercise with too much weight on my feet. No running/walking until I am down to 140. 140?! Do you realize I'm 175? Do you know that is like 35 pounds? What am I going to do? Great. Elevator broken. Time to climb three flights of stairs. Wait. Hold on Alex. Not sure if I can do it. He looks at me puzzled. Sorry. Mommy is too fat.
Acceptance...
Hello. My name is Christy Michele Arbo Gautreau Aymami, and I am obese. Yes. That is the word that is typed in my file. In my health record for all to see. For my height and weight I am obese. I called my doctor today. I need help. Can you please help me? Dr. Coleman says no running until I reach 140. I haven't been 140 for 6 years. We decided on the 17 day diet by Dr. Moreno. Essentially it's 17 days no carb, no dairy; then 17 days adding in low fat dairy and whole grains; then 17 days adding in other foods little by little. It's been three days and I have to say I feel awesome. I drink nothing but water and diet green tea. No alcohol. I have to say...I am sleeping better. I'm not tired in the afternoon and I have my energy back a little more each day. The first two days were hard. Very hard. But I am teaching myself little by little how to eat sensibly. I am watching portion sizes and keeping a diet of everything that I eat. Will this work? Who knows. But I have support of my doctor and my family and all I know is something has to give. I just turned 34 but I was feeling like 40. I'm not afraid of getting old. I'm not afraid of 40. I'm afraid of not being able to keep up with my kids. I love family, I love my job, and I love my life. Now it's time to love myself.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
For a while I've been knowing that I need to lose weight. Being the same weight as I was when I was 9 months pregnant with Gracie will do it. The clothes don't always fit as nicely.
Denial...
Ok so. No one wants to believe they are fat right? I mean. Ok. I had two kids! That's it! But then I see other moms that have had like five, and are thin and fit (that's for the next section...lol). Ok. It's got to be the IUD. Yea. So I read up on that on the Internet. That's it! The belly bulge; the extra weight! So like all people in denial do...I'll just take it out! It's definitely not the fast food that I eat almost every day. Or the candy bars the kids are selling around school. It's the PMS symptoms. Yes! That's it! I'm not out of shape. It's my knee. That's why it hurts when I run. We don't have money ti join a gym. It's too hot to exercise. I need rest. I'm stressed out. What will I do with the kids? This skinny moms have money. They belong to an expensive gym that has child care.
Anger...
Those bitches. How come they can be skinny? I guess I picked the wrong job. They get to stay home and just eat right and exercise! Super bitches! I guess they didn't have a child to support while they were in college. They didn't have to charge gas or groceries. I bet they got Road Home money. Or didn't lose all their shit in Katrina. Don't even get me started on that bitch. I bet they didn't have to go on bed rest for pregnancy where weight just goes to your ass. Maybe they don't have to commute across that stupid Huey. Freakin' construction! Why would they do this? I could be using this extra time to work out! How come when my IUD came out I didn't lose ten pounds? How come I just bled for like two months and GAINED weight? I knew I should have taken it out sooner! How come I had to take after my dad? I mean, I don't mind the type A, but the metabolism?! Why did my sister have to get my mom's body? And why couldn't I at least be taller? Why does my husband have to have so much self control? Why does he have to have the metabolism of the century? Why God?
Bargaining...
Please God. Let me thin. I'd rather be dumb. Give me acne (ok...I accept the acne but the trade off was that I would be thin...). Dear God...I'll watch what I eat from now on. Just help me get started! Please? This is more important than money. I'll never ask for money again. Well I'll try not to. Please?! Ok. I'll try this shake stuff. Works for dad. If you let this work, I promise I'll...wait! I'll stop drinking! Yes! That's it! God, if you let me be thin, I'll stop drinking.
Anger...
Ok God. I quit drinking. For two whole damn days. And I gained weight! This isn't fair! I might as well get fat! Nothing works!
Depression...
OMG! I'm going to be fat forever. The kids at school are going to keep calling me fatty. I'm going to have to shop in the plus sizes.
Acceptance...
Hello. My name is Christy Michele Arbo Gautreau Aymami, and I am obese. Yes. That is the word that is typed in my file. In my health record for all to see. For my height and weight I am obese. I called my doctor today. I need help. Can you please help me? Dr. Coleman says no running until I reach 140. I haven't been 140 for 6 years. We decided on the 17 day diet by Dr. Moreno. Essentially it's 17 days no carb, no dairy; then 17 days adding in low fat dairy and whole grains; then 17 days adding in other foods little by little. It's been three days and I have to say I feel awesome. I drink nothing but water and diet green tea. No alcohol. I have to say...I am sleeping better. I'm not tired in the afternoon and I have my energy back a little more each day. The first two days were hard. Very hard. But I am teaching myself little by little how to eat sensibly. I am watching portion sizes and keeping a diet of everything that I eat. Will this work? Who knows. But I have support of my doctor and my family and all I know is something has to give. I just turned 34 but I was feeling like 40. I'm not afraid of getting old. I'm not afraid of 40. I'm afraid of not being able to keep up with my kids. I love family, I love my job, and I love my life. Now it's time to love myself.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
yay!! hugs & encouragement :) :) here if you need me! remember, one meal at a time!! 10 days for me, 9 pounds... YOU CAN DO IT!!!! (evan's mom)